what I wish for my girls...

I have been thinking about this for a while, not sure if I should put it out there, but my blog is kind of my diary (one that people read though, lol!)but here goes...

I have a SERIOUS lack of confidence in myself in many areas of my life. One of the biggest issues that I have is with friends. I constantly worry about whether or not someone likes me, whether I have offended them, and whether or not I fit in, did I say something stupid or offensive? I worry when someone doesnt talk to me for a few days, or when someone doesnt comment on my blog, or when someone never takes me up on an offer to get together/get the kids together. About the only people I have no worries about are Johnny(although if you ask him, I have probably only stopped worrying that I have done something to make him not like me in the past few years...maybe since Anna was born??), my girls and my parents. Everyone else is fair game when it comes to my worry. I apologize all the time before knowing if I have done something wrong, and I am sure it doesnt make things better when I do this...

This isn't something new for me. I cannot even imagine how many friendships I have lost because I walk away from them thinking that the person just doesn't like me anymore, or that I have done something to ruin our friendship. I have never asked the people in question whether or not I have done something or if they dont like me anymore. I just get a thought in my head that something is wrong and thats that. I can make a list of people that this has happened with in just the past few years alone, not even adding to the list the people from all my years in school.

I wish for my girls to be the people that people want to be around. I hope that they just exude confidence and happy energy. I want them to feel good enough about themselves so that if this is not the case (if they dont have a TON of friends, maybe just a few good ones)that they can just get on with their lives and be happy no matter what, that they dont spend time and energy obsessing about what went wrong. I want them to be strong confident girls (and women). I know that in order for them to be these kind of people that I am going to have to instill this in them and not let them see my worry and concern when it comes to things like this. How do I go about this? How  do I stop worrying about whether someone wants to be my friend still? How do I stop worrying that I have or will do something to affect my friendships/relationships? I know if I dont stop worrying I am going to end up with no friends, but how do I go about this?

I want everyone reading this to know that this is something I vow to work on, but please be patient with me...